The Fandom Rescue!
by Dorothy-TheInsaneArcobaleno
Summary: A poor unfortunate soul is sent into the bleach world to cope with the huge number of cliche fanfics.R&R,plz!K,thnx.


The fandom rescue! Where a poor unfortunate soul goes to the bleach world.There,she sees all the fanfic types happen right in front of her and tries to bring the bleach characters back to their senses.Although...what would happen,if this poor unfortunate soul is an anti-romance supporter,completely random,incredibly analytical,and mentally unstable girl with an unhealthy obsession for white clothing???WARNING,this story is filled with pairings bashing,yaoi and het,mary-sue parodies and overused plots.

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Dorothy(yes,I decided to use my own name,problem?) was sitting on her couch,watching her favorite TV show...House md,when suddenly...it cut to a commercial.She groaned in annoyance and went off to her bedroom to change a T-shirt,because the one she was currently wearing was not the exact perfect shade of dark white that she wanted.As she opened her closet,she saw...a swirly portal thingy.Yes,complete with creepy sound and purplish hue. "Ok...I wonder,what would happen if I closed the door..." she said,and done so. Then she reopened the door,and-what a relief- the evil portal of doom was gone. 

Instead,there was a strange seat,filled with cables.Next to it there was a screen,green numbers falling inside it.She blinked."Oh,hell no." she exclaimed and closed the door again,hoping for the multiuniverse portal to reappear.I mean,what was she supposed to do?Stay home with her parents,and study?Or go to an alternate universe adventure?Sounds like a dillema,doesn't it? She opened the door for the third time,and the doomy(is that even a word?) portal was back. "So...where will I go?Hmm...Bleach would fit me just fine.Although I don't like bunnies." she said to herself and jumped in the hole.

A few seconds later,she felt herself stop and land on a very hard material.She winced and looked around.Her eyes were taking in her surroundings,when a mop of orange hair accompanied by a oh-so-well-known frown covered her optical field. "Hey you.What's wrong?" Ichigo asked, holding out a hand.

She smiled,in a disturbingly happy way,and took it,supporting herself. Once she stood up she flipped back her dirty blonde hair and scrutinized Ichigo,making sure she wasn't on sugar again."Hello,shinigami."she whispered evilly.

Ichigo's eyes widened. "How do you...I mean,what are you talking about??"

Dorothy raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?You are Ichigo Kurosaki,a substitute shinigami,you want to go to Hueco Mundo to save your friend -which by the way has a crush on you-Inoue Orihime,you're a complete idiot,and your zanpakuto is called Zangetsu. Also,you live with your father and your two little sisters,Yuzu and Karin.Am I right?" she said,almost out of breath,as her voice became thinner and thinner,until it sounded like a squirrel. Her black and dark-circle-covered eyes became wider and wider every second and her smile was getting creepier as Ichigo stared at her like she was insane.(Which she was,anyway.)

Ichigo gulped. "H-how do you know all this?Who are you??Are you an Arrancar?" he asked her,looking at her all white clothes.

She broke out laughing."No,of course not!!You suck at sensing reiatsu after all!!!" she managed out of her maniacal laughing fit. "Oh and by the way,you have a stain,three inches under your left shoulder,at 30 degrees,colour 'scarlet lake 118'." Ichigo froze. He turned his head slowly towards his torso,and saw the stain,right where that girl said.

"You're creeping me out more than that green-eyed arrancar.Who are you anyway?" he asked her,a pretty much freaked out look on his face.

"Well,my name is Dorothy,and 'that green eyed arrancar's' name is Ulquiorra,and he'd kick your ass any day,so,see ya!I need to find a relavant purpose." she said,and left,leaving Ichigo behind her,completely dumbstruck.

As she was walking around Karakura town,she suddenly heard a voice in her head. "Hello there,Dorothy."

Dorothy looked around. "Hello,voice in my head #345!" she said cheerfully.

"..."

"Hello?Are you there,funny voice in my head?"

"Yes. Now,listen to me." the woman's voice ordered.

"Are you here to give me a purpose to be here?" Dorothy cut her off.

The voice's owner,many miles away,in front of a laptop,sweatdropped at the girl's apathy. "Yes.You have been sent here because of your unique power."

Dorothy tilted her head to the side."What kind of power?"

"Well..." the voice started, "You,my dear Dorothy,have the power to..." she let her voice fade out,trying to increase the suspense.

But little she knew,against her new subordinate's apathy,no one could win. "..."

"It is..." she tried again to get Dorothy's interest. "Look,do you wanna know about your power or not?"

"What power?" Dorothy asked,confused.

"Your secret power!" the voice exclaimed loudly.

"Whose secret power?"

"Yours!" the voice shouted.

"Mine what?" Dorothy asked again.

"Your goddamn power,the reason why you're here!!"

Dorothy drifted off in thought." Why am I here again?"

The voice's owner twiched. "BECAUSE.OF.YOUR.SECRET.POWEEEER!!!!"

Dorothy raised an eyebrow. "What kind of power?Wow,that feels like a dejavu..."

The voice gave a smug 'Hn.' and cleared her (nonexistant) throat."Thank you for asking. Well,you have a very unique power my dear.You have the power to...BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!!!!"

Dorothy's eyes widened."You mean this?Really?"

The voice gave an affirmative sound. "Yep! That's why you can hear me right now.I am a fanfic writer.And I need your help my daughter."

"Sure!!!Anything for you mom!!"

The anonymous voice let out an exasperated sigh."Okay.I need you to clean up the fandom.You see,there are so many fanfics,and the majority of them,are cliche,boring,angsty romance fics.I'll put you inside these stories,and you,using your unique power,will bring the bleach characters back to normal,or at least a normal enough level.Do we have a deal,my new evil minion?"

"Sure!I'd love to!MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...coughcough...AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Soon the voice joined in,and their evil laughs were heard everywhere in their respective dimensions.

Dorothy got bored a bit later. "Wait a second. What do I get back?"

"Chocolate and cookies." the voice offered.

"Not good enough!"

The voce thought for a second."And a copy of all the clothes the espada wear."

Dorothy's eyes brightened.Well,as much as they could,because of their unusually black pallor. "You're on.But I want Cirrucci's outfit right now,only with Ulquiorra's top."

The nameless author imagined the clothes.Then she took out a notebook,and scribbled something on it.Seconds later,Dorothy was wearing the uniform combination. "WOW!Awesome!"

"Are you okay now?Could we start,please???" the author asked,ticked off.

Dorothy nodded."Sure.So...who are we destroying?"

"Well...the first victim will be..."

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Cliffhanger!!!!So,how was it?I hope you liked it.Please R-E-V-I-E-W. Or Dorothy will come to haunt your fanfictions.FOREVER!Mwahahahaha!In america!(everyone who gets this reference wins an e-cookie and a chapter of this fanfic bashing whatever he/she wants!Only three winners available!) 


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